Parenting with EQ

Reflections on Dr Bing Liao’s talk on 2016-12-18:

hosted by Grace Chinese Christian Fellowship and Chinese American Paraent Association (CAPA)

Dr. Liao (http://lawrenceville.languageandleadership.org/index.php/home-e/speakers.html) devoted to children’s education after her children began to go to school 13 years ago. In the past some parents used to think about “never losing from the start”, which was wrong. Now we must think about differently on how to raise our children. It is not like to solve a Newton physics problem.

Some talking points:

Need know how to set priority for the family and for the children. She proposed three suggestions about raising a happy children:

1) have a good relationship with your children.

2) help building the inner passion , motivation for your children.

3) accept your children who they are, not a perfect one.

Race to nowhere is a must watch. https://www.amazon.com/Race-Nowhere/dp/B004WCSMG6/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482119212&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=race+to+no+where%2C+eucation

Challenges:

Middle class worry about their children’s education such that parents push some pressure onto their children. Free time for children is really important, not the parents designed free time.  Street smart is important for a happy

Other early blossom children challenge our own patience.  We need patience and love for our children.

Parent effective training is another must read. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Effectiveness-Training-Responsible-Children/dp/0609806939/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482119401&sr=8-1&keywords=Parent+effective+training

Young kids rebellion is an indicator of parent failure. Every child has their own destination and it is usually not following their parents expectation.

Emotion Bank Account

Emotion bank account for your kids need your deposits frequently. How to make a deposit:

1) constant affirmation to love them. Don’t praise your children to be smart, instead praise their work. Don’t criticize your child using Chinese, and praise them in English. You should stay in the same battleground as your children.

Critical thinking your child learn from school will first applied to the you, the parents. When children challenges you, sometime they are not challenging you, but the authority you represent.

You need learn to understand their feelings and needs. There should be no power resolution between you and your children. Need learn how to approach your child at the right time.

2) Learn to give small gifts, even a note for the child. That is hard for Chinese Americans since the culture is not good at it.

3) Find quality time with kids. Need to name the emotion, confirm it and seek consolidation. Don’t judge the first.

4) Service for the kids. This is always well done by the Chinese American parents.

5) Have body contact.  It is difficult for first generation Chinese parents, but we really need learn it. Show your love and care for your kids by kissing them, hugging them.

When to withdraw the bank account?

What is EQ?

 know your emotion and  manage your emotion,

Two must reads: Boys adrift, https://www.amazon.com/Boys-Adrift-Epidemic-Unmotivated-Underachieving/dp/0465072100/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482120288&sr=8-1&keywords=boy+adrift

Girls on the edge, https://www.amazon.com/Girls-Edge-Girls-Sexual-Cyberbubble-Environmental/dp/0465022065/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482120336&sr=8-1&keywords=girls+on+edge

Should not use plastic bottles.

How to handle social median problem and computer related problem.

Need figure out whether it is your problem or your children’s problem or joint problem. Pick your battles right.

Peer parent pressure is a problem. So don’t ask your friends, your neighbors which college their children get admitted.

4 thoughts on “Parenting with EQ

    • Lisa, thank you for this article. I agree that pads, computers and phones are distractions, even detrimental to our kids’ growth if not probably guided.

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